“Be done with enduring.”
This was the quote printed in my daily planner* for July 20, 2018, my last day at Wells Fargo. How oddly prophetic. Be done with enduring other people’s crap. Be done with enduring for the sake of safety and security. Be done with enduring anything that doesn’t feel joyful. Be done with enduring other people’s egos in order to… what? Get a paycheck?
I gained more than I could possibly express for my time at Wells. I worked with hundreds of good people, and that’s not an exaggeration. Both co-workers and clients. I learned more than I could teach anyone, because truly, experience is the best teacher. I met some incredible people and life-long friends, happily said goodbye to others, but each one (clients included) changed me in some way. Working there was an amazing experience. Some fantastic! Some really, really, not. It’s a great company, and I still happily will do business with them in some form or another. I will refer people to them, especially to my friends who I know do a great job. The mission of the organization and intention is good.
But, BUT… it was a lot of enduring. I think working anywhere for 10 years, and in the same industry for 20, has an element of enduring to it. When it gets to the point that you’re constantly wondering why you’re supporting someone else’s dream, what the point is of it all, why you’re working your butt off for very little of your own fulfillment (and bonus! Ridiculous amounts of frustration!), that’s when the enduring is harmful. Painful. Toxic.
This doesn’t just have to be about a job. It can be about a relationship – romantic or not. I’ve watched a lot of people endure friendships, family members, or co-workers. You can be enduring the neighborhood, city, or country you live in. It can be about enduring your own crap because you’re not being honest with yourself.
Let’s define ‘enduring’ really quick, shall we? According to my handy Dictionary app on the iPhone, it’s an adjective meaning:
lasting; permanent (ex: a poet of enduring greatness)
patient; long suffering.
Long suffering? Well no wonder it feels horrible. Enduring, in the 2nd definition (which is how I’m using it here) SUCKS. A lot!
Whatever it is that has struck you while reading this, whatever it is you may not want to admit to yourself, I implore you – get honest with yourself. What is it that you’re enduring that is causing you suffering and slowly killing you?
Then, take a deep breath, and decide to be done with it. You don’t have to endure in the sense of definition #1, it does NOT have to be permanent. (Also, remember that example was about something good. Not suffering.) It may not be that easy, but it’s an empowering first step. You get to decide. If you don’t want to endure it anymore, you don’t have to. You get to choose to tell a different story, look at it differently, or take action to change it.
Have you heard the quote by Eckhart Tolle, “When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness”?
What a great quote! One of my daily goals for this year is to complain less. Or stop complaining at all, really. It’s tougher than I thought it would be, but it’s also created space for gratitude and ease. More so than I expected. It’s made me more conscious of what I’m saying and thinking in the moment, and forced me to alter my language. I decided back on July 20, 2018 to be done with enduring. It’s been a slow process to get where I want to be, and not complaining is the next step for me.
If you don’t know what you may be enduring, if anything, look at what you complain about. That will give you a big clue! It doesn’t even have to be complaining out loud, it can be the loop your thoughts are on. Or, it can be someone else complaining, and you find yourself agreeing and taking on that negativity.
Remember – you get to decide. You are the CEO/manager/owner of your life. No one else is in charge but you. If you’re not going to decide to be done enduring, don’t expect anyone else to come rescue you. It starts with you. However, that doesn’t mean you have to DO anything about it right now. You don’t have to march into your boss’s office and quit your job. You don’t need to go home and ask for a divorce. You don’t have to send a text to that “friend” that makes you miserable saying ‘bye Felicia’. You can, if you’re ready for that. But simply admitting to yourself what you’re not going to tolerate, what you’re not going to endure anymore -- and then deciding you’ll roll forward in a different way from now on – that’s it for now. Try this first, and see what opens up for you.
I want more for you. Do you?
Decide to make 2020 different, in the best possible ways. Be done with enduring.
*Big thanks to Danielle LaPorte and her life changing planners! I’ve used her Desire Map planner for each of the last 3 years and I love them. Full disclosure, the link is an affiliate link, so if you click it and buy something from her, I'll get a small commission. Which, thank you! But honestly, she's the only person I'm an affiliate for because I LOVE her stuff, and I think everyone should have it. :)
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